It's is not really a normal day. If I might say...I feel a little bit rare. It's as if something's about to happen, but I have no idea what it could be.
I walk down the street and whatch some peoplel's dreams. Some are big, some are just boring. Sometimes I do ask myself why people do dream what they dream. Even if I am a siren, I still have no idea. Maybe I am just not good enough. Maybe it is because I don't want to accept my skills. Maybe I just don't want to be me.
Is that normal?
There are so many people out there and the most of them don't like what they see when they look into the mirror. But...I am a REAl monster. Not just as a methaphor. It's more then that. So much more.
Well...sometimes it can help to hear and see what I hear and see. Sometimes I can help campers with their mission. Nevertheless, I still stay as I am. Just me. As my name already sais, I am a melody and I do destroy others lifes.
Some minutes later I take a deep breath. I look to the sky and just hope that zeus isn't about to watch me.
Maybe it is because I am afrait of myself, but is it okay to become stronger?
It is a question that is on my mind the last time. I don't know why, but it's there.

Everyday the same dream. Just like every other average day I make my way through the rough traffic rushing and flooding the streets of New York. Beeping cars and noisy voices mingle into an undefined mixture. People passing by let me feel as if the ground is vibrating right beneath my shoes. Everything is just the same as yesterday.
Everyday the same dream.
But still... Nothing is comparable to what has happened yesterday. Nothing should be seen as if it has happened the day before. Nothing is the same.
I lift my head a little to glimpse from under my hood. There is this strange old lady sitting on a bench right next to a Starbuck's while knitting something that either might be a large sock or a shirt for a dachshund. When I saw her for the first time, I thought she might be one of those ladies running around with anyone's 'life thread'. Turned out, I was wrong. She is just a strange old lady.
Near the café is a flower store. Like every other day that old wrinkled man who is running the business is glaring through the windows. Sometimes his mind seems so far away...
Far away...
I return into my beloved darkness of my hood.
After all, everything I see is kind of far away for me everytime I walk down this street. It's like walking through a painting, a rough sketch of a situation, a building. Far away but still so close.

Maybe I could define myself as a rare something just as others would say. But if I would say the truth...I think I wanna find my real strenght. But what if I cant find myself? What if I have to lose myself before I can be me? Either way I will try.
I walk towards all this people. They do not live in this life, they just walk on this world, on this planet as some little, death things. They are all dead inside, just as I am. I try to find myself in this world so cold, in this life full of regrets and misunderstood.
Suddenly I hear a loud noice. I look around but couldnt see anything. As if there was nothing to hear. But I am sure, that theres something.
I start to run. Running isnt very difficuld, you know? First you just have to start but if you are running, you will love it. You feel free, even if you have to run away. Just as I am doing right now.
Suddenly I have a headache. Its not like a normal headache, but its really...as if someone tries to put my energy out of me.

Far far away...
Muffled noises get through my thick hood, noises like I hear them everyday - but still they are all different everytime you hear them. There is that sonorous voice of the papers selling man blasting through the streets of New York. A bunch of those guys make their way through the city each and every day but his voice is the loudest, the clearest and the deepest.
There is that old cat couple purring while snuggling in a box somebody left on the sidewalk near a little alley leading away from the busy big streets. There is children's laughter coming from a nearby playground between the skyscrapers. And of course there are the vibrating steps from each pedestrian and the humming motor noises from the cars on the streets.
A tiny smile rushes over my face before I can even think about it. Sometimes I feel good being part of that noisy mash. Sometimes it feels right to be here. But those feelings never last long. It takes only one moment to change my mind, only one thing to happen to let me forget to enjoy the simple action of existing.
A loud bang makes me stop which causes a girl in my age to bump into me. I hear her taking a deep breath to start to tell me off for being so thoughtlessly. For a tiny little moment I realize what that means: She did not hear the noise. No one heard it except me. I turn around, lifting my head a bit while clearing my throat.
'Sorry,' I mumble, avoiding eye contact. When she fails to answer I push her gently aside. Loud noises which people do not hear usually mean trouble. Demigod-trouble.

My head feels as if there was an explosion in it. That may sound really crazy...but I should not now how to say it in a different way.
I start running faster and faster. The houses hover beside me, nothing seems real to me. It is like smoke's around everyting but no-one else seems to recognize it.
As I just come around the corner, suddenly, I bump into someone and fall on the ground. My knees are painfull and I scratched my hands open. I need some minutes to realize what I've done.
"Oh...I'm sorry". I seem to lose my voice. It's kind of bizarre how I lay on the ground, starring to a boy ahead without knowing who he is. Well...I think it looks really crazy, so I try to get up and pluck right my clothes. "Are you okay?" I ask in a shifty tone.
The wish of seeing in his thoughts overcomes me and makes me feel numb. Nevertheless, I try to stand the overwhelming feeling of my nature. Even if it is so damn hard.

I speed up a little as soon as I feel like the girl has turned her back on me after watching me leaving the spot where we crashed. My steps slowly get bigger, faster until I start to run, still hiding beneath my hood, my eyes attached to the grey tiles of the sidewalk. A second bang makes me reduce my speed for a tiny moment to find out where it came from. Immediately I turn to the left, do a quick slalom through a bunch of people waiting in front of a HotDog shop and follow my instincts straight down the street before crossing the street and turning to the right.
In the next second I lurch some steps back, bumping right into a street light post behind me. Automatically, I raise my shoulders to kind of hide myself inside my large hoodie, even though I know, this is kinda stupid since I cannot vanish by hiding inside my hood.
A girly voice makes it way into my darkness, makes me lift my head a little to face a girl hastily getting up from the ground while plucking her clothes right.
Silently, I lift my head completely, flashing a shy smile at her while pushing myself away from the lamp post. If I were a little bit more like one of my precious brothers... I would start a conversation, touch her by her shoulder like plucking her clothes right or brushing away some dirt, wrap that girl around my finger, talk her into any bullshit I would wanna do. But instead I smile, keeping a saftey distance to that human being as if she was the cause of the bangs.

Back on my feet I look in his eyes. They are kind of mesmerizing. I want to say something but again my voice isn't in my throat. His smile is a bit captured so I ask myself if there is something wrong. Of course I should ask him, not myself, but at the moment it is as if I do not have any choise.
Slowly I breath in. After a little while I move myself to ask him. "Is something wrong?" I ask and for one second I could swear I could see some light in his eyes. Not that much, but a little light right in the middel. It is said that eyes are the window of the soul. Sure I can see through people, they are a open book for me, but this type of light is different.
My little voices inside my head start to scream. They want me to look inside his head so badly but I can stand them. It makes me nervous but I try to not show it.
I look at him and wait for his answer.

For a second there is silence right around us, even though the traffic keeps pushing its way down the streets, even though people keep passing us without even bothering to look up from their screens. No one hesitates to take a closer look at us. And that's perfectly fine to me.
Still, the girl I crashed into is still there, staring at me like she is waiting for me to say something. But I leave it out, I just stand there, staring back at her while she seems to struggle with herself.
I've seen reactions like this, even though I try to avoid them as far as possible. People who usually may not take that much time to begin a conversation caused by a little incident like this. People who suddenly simply glare at me and keep silent.
The girl, though, seems different, but I cannot tell in which way, until I hear her talking to me once again in a soft tune. I freeze for a second, keep my eyes on hers and then slowly raise my shoulders for a little bit. Her way of speaking... it sounds kinda familiar in a weird and scaring way.
'No,' I answer briefly, taking my eyes off of hers and glancing quickly down the street where the noises came from. 'You okay?'

I try not to look inside his head, try to calm down and try to understand this guy. It seems like he did not really know what to say and even if I do not know it also, it irritates me. Not that it would be not okay, just because something is different about him and yet I cannot tell what it is.
"oh uh..." I answer without thinking. What did he ask again? Sometimes I am too deeply in thoughts for that I do listen good.
"No, I am doing okay" I say hoping he did ask me something what goes that way.
I look into his eyes and try to find an answer I am seeking. Even if I have no clue what I am seeking for.
I hem once and than my eyes go arount this place, hoping to pass over this emberassing silence between this guy and me.
"Okay well...I am sorry. But yeah..." I say again. "Well, I habe to go".
I walk past him and try not to think about this situation again even though my mind is still trying to analyse the wohle situation.